So… JoCo (aka the freakin’ magnificent Jonathan Coulton) just announced that he’s going back on the road in June. And looky there: he’s playing at World Cafe Live! I wonder who is opening for him? Don’t you think it should be us?
Here are our qualifications:
- We are Delaware’s premier acoustic dork-rock power duo, by cracky!
- We have songs about having a hole in your pants, about UFOs + love, about sheepishly and nerdily asking someone on a date, and we do a douchey cover of Crazy Train and a sweeeeet cover of Kiss Off
- Jill’s .sig back in the USENET days was about professing her love for John Flansburgh
- One of the first conversations Jill ever had with Matt was about programming TI-99/4As
- We’re nerds (kinda goes without saying…)
- Stormtroopers cannot resist our charm
- Matt’s hair will not compete with Jonathan’s
- We’ve played at World Cafe Live before. They like us there.
- Most compelling reason: We’re cheap!
So Mr. Coulton, what’s it gonna take? I will bake you a batch of my world-famous maple-bacon cookies! I will eat an entire box of Cinnamon Life in one sitting! (Oh wait, I’ve done that already today.) I will get a dumb tattoo! I will donate a metric assload of money to a charity of choice! I will stop ending every sentence with an exclamation point!
Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? And with a Grade B maple syrup drizzle and crumbled bacon? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE?
OH SWEET BABY WEDGE ANTILLES, I WILL NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING ELSE EVER AGAIN FOR MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFETIME EVER EVER EVER!
PLEEEEEEEZE?
ALL CAPS!
ALL CAPS!
DILUTE! DILUTE! OK!
———————
Hmmmm. Or maybe we should just send his booking agent an email with a link to our electronic press kit. We must consult our management.
Stay tuned.
Your pal,
Ji11