December 2010 – Hot Breakfast!

I heard through the grapevine that JB McGinnes in sunny New Castle, DE has a reputation for being a metal club. So why might they be courting HOT BREAKFAST! to grace their stage?

BECAUSE WE ARE EFFING METAL.

Lesser bands need to prove their metalosity with obvious things like distortion, black leather, sleeves of tattoos and pigeon sacrifice– but not us. We’ve got a freakin’ life to lead here Chachi — a life of ROCK — and all we need are Matt’s massive guns and Jill’s teeth-baring rock scowl (See Figure A, below) and whaddaya know: Yngwie Malmsteen is quivvering like a scared, wet chihuahua.

Hot Breakfast!'s intimidating rock scowl and massive guns — FIG. A

So yeah, it’s true. We’re playing at JB McGinnes in New Castle, DE on Friday, January 7th at 9pm. We really actually start playing at 9; not “rock and roll 9” which often means “sometime around 10:30.” So if you don’t want to miss the hurricane-esque rocking, then you’d best be on time, my friend.

In fact, what the hell… show up early. Camp out for fucksake. This way you will be guaranteed to be there when we finally achieve WORLD DOMINATION. It will happen, my friends. Oh yes… and our highly-paid statisticians and Reagan-approved astrologers tell us it is occurring that weekend. You don’t want to miss being part of history, do you? NO YOU DO NOT.

Three other bands will be closing for us: The Joe Trainor Trio, The Miles, and Villains Like You. We would like to commend these bands for having the courage to follow us. We admire chutzpah.

Your pal,

Jill

The HBHL¹ has been ringing off the hook (three calls!!1!) since we played at Between Books on Friday. Our Cool Little Brothers (a.k.a. our die-hard fans) can’t stop telling us how our concert that night changed their lives. We know. It changed our lives, too.

Some fans have decided to start sporting jaunty caps like Matt’s, while others have vowed to take up interpretive dance like Jill. Still others have started speaking in accents native to the British Isles.. though we’re not exactly sure what that has to do with anything. Anyway, we’re trying to say that we feel your love, CLBs, yes we do. And we want to thank you in one of the only ways we know how.

Here is a list of the ways that HOT BREAKFAST! knows how to say Thank You:

send a thoughtful Thank You card through the US Mail
send you a whimsical arrangement of preservative-dipp’d fruits, specially cut and assembled to look like cheerful flowers of gratitude
“Danke! Das ist mein Badezimmer auf dem Tisch!”
clean your gutters
finally hem your dress pants
mail you an Applebee’s gift card
[redacted]
give you a free MP3 of “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” from our show Friday night

Yes, our formatting gave it away: The most thoughtful (and economical) gift we can give to you, the rabid fans who would totally take a hot frying pan to the face for us, is a free (FREE!) recording of our performance of Do They Know It’s Christmas? so you all can re-live that moment over and over again.

Go ahead. Download it. Load it up on your preferred music-playing device and put on your noise-canceling headphones. Pour yourself a nice plastic cup of boxed Riunite and relax… close your eyes, and suddenly it’s exactly like you’re there at the concert at Between Books.² And when you put the song on constant repeat, you can relive that magical four minutes and forty seconds over and over, like your own personal Groundhog Day.

It is true. We really do love you.

Here it is! Enjoy!

Hot Breakfast! at Between Books on 12-10-10 – Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Your pal,

Jill

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¹ Hot Breakfast Hot Line
² And if you use your mind’s eye very adeptly, you can even sneak to the other side of the store to secretly leaf through their copy of that Cthulhu hentai mag. Nobody will even see you.